Sibling rivalry

by | Nov 23, 2020 | Conversations with our kids!! | 11 comments

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Today I thought I would write a post on something that I experienced as a child, and I am so intentional about my kids not experiencing it.

Stop Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry.
What exactly is it?
What is sibling rivalry?

Sibling rivalry describes the ongoing conflict between kids raised in the same family. It can happen between blood-related siblings, step siblings, and even adopted or foster siblings. Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among siblings, whether blood-related or not. Siblings generally spend more time together during childhood than they do with parents.

What causes sibling rivalry?

Every child is competing to define who they are as an individual…. It is when children feel they are getting unequal amounts of their parents attention, discipline, and even responsiveness. E. G Children may feel their relationship with their parents is threatened by the arrival of a new baby.
Sibling rivalry is normal, siblings will disagree, argue or even have different opinions about certain matters and that is ok, however, it can become a problem, particularly among children who are the same gender and close together in age.

Here are a few ideas to help guide in minimizing jealousy and disharmony amongst siblings:

  • Find their love languages and hone in on it.
  • Do not compare their behaviors.
  • Always listen attentively and openly to all sides.
  • Never compare their schoolwork.
  • Avoid using negative labels.
  • Nurture their unique strengths for each sibling.
  • Find special alone time with each child.
  • Talk. Talk and talk more
  • Keep the lines of communication open at all times.

In my research I have found that sibling rivalry is often filled with psychological and physical aggression, which can traumatize children, leading to higher instances of depression, anxiety, and anger issues later in life. In fact, sibling aggression may be more damaging than bullying.

How to Manage Sibling Rivalry:

  • Allow your older child to help care for the younger one.
  • Don’t compare your children in front of them.
  • Stay out of your children’s arguments.
  • Let your children know that violence is unacceptable.
  • Don’t punish one child in front of the other.

So, I asked my squad the same questions about their siblings, the reason for this they need to focus on the positive qualities their siblings have instead of the negative.

Zoe M Phillips

1. What she appreciates about her sister, Eden? Eden always dances with her.

2. What quality of Eden’s does she love? Eden is caring and helps clean their bedroom

3. What life would be like without Eden? Sad, lonely and very quiet

4. What she appreciates about her brother, Ethan? Ethan is very helpful

5. What quality of Ethan does she love? Ethan is very chilled and always cracking a joke making me laugh

6. What life would be like without Ethan? Sad, lonely and very quiet

7. What she appreciates about her brother, Micaiah? He is always willing to share

8. What quality of Micaiah’s does she love? Micaiah is playful and also like to make me laugh

9. What life would be like without Micaiah? Sad, lonely and very quiet

Micaiah K Phillips

1. What he appreciates about her sister, Eden? Always has energy

2. What quality of Eden’s does he love? Always kind

3. What life would be like without Eden? Miserable and lonely

4. What he appreciates about his brother, Ethan? Ethan has a smile on his face

5. What quality of Ethan does he love? He is responsible and setting a great example

6. What life would be like without Ethan? Miserable and lonely

7. What he appreciates about his sister, Zoe? She is a loving person

8. What quality of Zoe’s does he love? Always smiling and happy

9. What life would be like without Zoe? Miserable and lonely

Eden Zyon Phillips

1. What she appreciates about her sister, Zoe? She makes her hot chocolate and helps her to make her bed.

2. What quality of Zoe does she love? She loves to share and is kind.

3. What life would be like without Zoe? Sad

4. What she appreciates about her brother, Ethan? Always helps with my homework and helps to squeeze the mop for me

5. What quality of Ethan does she love? He is responsible and makes me laugh.

6. What life would be like without Ethan? Sad

7. What she appreciates about her brother, Micaiah? He is very helpful

8. What quality of Micaiah’s does she love? His jokey and always smiling

9. What life would be like without Micaiah? Very very sad

Ethan D Phillips

1. What he appreciates about his sister, Eden? She is very funny and chilled.

2. What quality of Eden does he love? Playful and crazy

3. What life would be like without Eden? Lonely

4. What he appreciates about his sister, Zoe? She sets a good example as a big sister for Eden.

5. What quality of Zoe’s does he love? She is chilled and is loving.

6. What life would be like without Zoe? Very quiet

7. What he appreciates about his brother, Micaiah? He is very responsible

8. What quality of Micaiah’s does he love? He is very funny, like the next Will Smith

9. What life would be like without Micaiah? Very boring

In our home this is something we do not take lightly, and we always address it when it pops up. It is really important to keep your finger on the pulse when it comes to our children.
We are responsible to raise strong, whole and healthy (physical, mental and emotional) beings, lets not disappoint.

No child deserves to feel they are not good enough, that they are competing against a sibling or that they are loved less for whatever reason.

Lets be good to the next generation!

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11 Comments

  1. Monica

    Such great tips here. My kids are only 1 and 3 but I feel I can already use some of these tips like having my toddler help out with the baby. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Simone Phillips

      I am so happy to hear you enjoyed my post. Thank you.

      Reply
  2. Hot Mess Goes to Oz

    Thanks for sharing there are many great points in her I will consider if I have another kid 🙂

    Reply
    • Simone Phillips

      Thank you.

      Reply
  3. Pat

    This helped me a lot with my nephew’s. The older one is always picking on the younger one. Now I know how to handle it.

    Reply
    • Simone Phillips

      I am so happy that it has helped you. Thank you.

      Reply
  4. Life With Sonia

    Awww your children are so beautiful and happy.

    Reply
  5. Fibzhair_ng

    This is the most important part of “FAMILY”, every community, village, state, country and Nation starts from this unit… Addressing such “SENSITIVE MATTERS” will indeed produce a GREATER TOMORROW

    Reply
    • Simone Phillips

      I couldn’t agree more. Thank you.

      Reply

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